Monday, July 27, 2015

Dreams - Expectations - Hopes - Plans

Dreams - Expectations - Hopes - Plans

Take note right here that I personally am a
 P. L. A. N. N. E. R.
Note: all of you super mom bloggers who are so hard working and gifted-Listen Up, None of you have cornered the market on trying to be, do and define PERFECTION [she says while laughing out loud]


My online profile after much consideration reads like this:

A Planner-Producer-Promoter-Performer-Planner

That pretty much describes me as honestly as I can.


Now, today's thoughts-  Have you read the July 21st guest post shared by Holly Hopson on Heather's Blog?  If not please do then come back and we will continue this conversation. Immediately after reading what Holly shared I knew I want to offer you a continuation of the same subject, from a slightly different vantage point  (I'm of the same generation as Holly's Grandparents.)  
How often we  observe people & actions and  ask ourselves or anyone listening:

What Was She Thinking?

Holly shared with us  what she was thinking-

 as she began life as "a couple"

-My Turn-

Back to 1959-  Sure we had Dreams

But Our plans were not exactly long range..more like 3-6 months ahead.

Now our expectations- that's a different thing. 

We did expect to always stay together..any other possibility just was not a part of our mind set.
  • We did expect problems
  • We did expect disappointments
  • We did expect lean times
  • We did expect failures
We had realistic expectations of the life ahead of us.  We saw real people, real families all around us struggling with life but with good solid families and rich happy lives. They were Real...

they were NOT PERFECT.
1958-59..... I met my sweetheart in 1958 & we married after my high school graduation in 1959.
Try if you can [funny me] to think back to the nifty fifties.  Over all the years since I have observed young couples, the new Brides and been privy to some of what they were thinking as they headed down  the aisle and this new life path.

A Few  Things I  Hear or Observe:

    1. We have to have THE PERFECT Wedding -No matter the cost [ our 1959 cost was a few /very few HUNDRED-the rule of thumb was what one could actually afford]
      2.  and of course a fabulous honeymoon...perhaps a dream Cruise [ our two day trip to Destin, Fl.  never happened b/c our car had a major melt down]
        3.  The career methodically mapped out from here to Yonder [our plans were for him to finish his Navy obligation then back his hometown and "look for a job"]
          4. We have to have a new house, furnished, Of course, two automobiles! [Our first home back in his hometown was a rental ( $60.) house shared with his Mother then a very small & $60, mo.duplex apartment]
            5. We won't have a baby until.......yrs then we will [or may] have another about......years later [we didn't have as many options as today and our first was born within the first year]

            6. We must live this close to our families so they can help us when we have a baby [I was frankly very envious of my sisters-in-law who had family close by -our situation was different] *I've even heard it said that some brides are sad as they go down the aisle to meet their groom because now all the fun party times are coming to an sad!
            *Ahhh, be careful of all those carefully mapped out
            P L A N S
            As a young Bride and then Mom of four children born from 1960 to 1966 I never thought I was aiming for perfection.  We didn't hear that conversation a lot. But I know and have for many years known that I had set a high bar for myself. 
            I  never recall actually wanting to be Miss Perfect

            However, I always analyzed everything 'to death'

            [maybe that's second guessing, criticizing, dramatizing, being dissatisfied, not letting go and allowing God to take care of things...
            But then [in defense of ME]  I was at a whole other place as far as spiritual maturity during those early years of marriage.
            We did not have the wonderful Bible teaching during the [1960's] or the kind of equipping within our churches that we have today and for many years.
            Women didn't have the Beth Moore and Kay Arthur, Priscilla Shirer Bible studies or
            The Bible teaching pastors we have come to appreciate like
            Adrian Rogers, Charles Stanley, Charles Swindall, Tony Evans
            So many more-
            Thank God for them.
            Yes, you guessed it..I was doing the same thing Holly did
            aiming for perfection as a wife, a mother, a 'keeper of the house' & finances, Home Room Mom, PTA President, Community Theater, Garden Club, Charity Fund Raiser,  you name it. I rarely ever felt
            I measured up.
            Maybe because we were forever raising the bar
            I have often said we women are our own worst enemies-

            Going through life adding new titles,  responsibilities, challenges to our to-do lists

            -Our job titles-
            But how often do we
            thin out the garden,
             pull the weeds
            to  make room for the new jobs & responsibilities?
            We just keep piling it on
            Yet we expect to always be the Best.
            [until that Best changes]
             Could we do it perfectly..if allowed a do over-
            always being in control of the schedules, always serving impressive healthy meals on the table on time- And I confess I always hated that I couldn't count on having the house in good order for surprise, unexpected visitors.  I felt I owed that to my husband...not to embarrass him because the house was not up to my  standards, my DREAM -

            My husband didn't do that to me. I did it myself.  I wonder how often this is true.

            Consider our role models:  Martha Stewart, Paula Dean - examples of how our lives, our kitchens, our meals, our home interiors should look! And of course HGTV and Country Living Magazine. 
            Not Realistic Expectations
            Now the lighter side...
            "What ever was she
            ( that would be Me ) 
            Not much really...
            We were playing it 'by ear' I guess
             a lot of Faith
            or just not much sense
            Maybe some of each-
             [it's okay you can laugh at/with me here]
             Girls just wait awhile for another Season of life-
            You can  'have it all'
            But not all in the same year-

            'For everything there is a season...."



            1. What a beautiful post! This is something I have always wondered about - whether the moms of the past saw things the same or differently as we do now. Wonderful words, Jonell! ---- Amy @

              1. Thanks Amy...such sweet words to see posted about something I think/write! You just made my day...R E A L L Y

            2. All I want to do right now is stand up and applaud you. Fantastic post!