Sunday, May 17, 2015

Is Your Friend, Really a Friend?

I'm a homebody...
I love people, I enjoy their company, but I love to be at home.
My little family suits me just fine.

To be honest, I could stay home and never leave, as long as my family was there.
Some may think that is a stretch, but I promise, it is not.

So, when I meet someone that I like, and we embark on a friendship, it takes time for me to really warm up to the idea of being close to them.  I tend to consider most people an acquaintance until we've really spent a good bit of time together (I think most do this - they're not quick to label a relationship a "friendship").

But, I've been burned...
I cannot stand to be used, and I've felt like that before.
I've felt like I was their doormat - they only came around when they needed me for something.
And, as hard as it was, I cut ties with those people, because it wasn't a true friendship.

On the other hand, I have had the best of friends, and life has simply taken us in different directions.
What is funny, though, is that - despite distance and the lack of talking to each other in years - I still care as deeply as ever for those friends.  They were true friendships.

More recently, though, I've had the kind (not all of my recent friendships, mind you, but some) that are not two sided.  I've been used, and have noticed that, when I am not providing what they are needing from or out of me, there is no relationship.
It hurts to know that those friendships have no value, but it is so important for me to differentiate between the relationships that have value, and those that don't.

The people who use you bring you down, are a distraction from bigger goals in life, take away from relationships with meaning, etc.

If they are not edifying you, lifting you up, devoting as much time and effort to you as you are them, etc., then you have to move on.

I hate to feel as though I've abandoned someone, that I have given up on someone who may need me.  Perhaps they will, eventually, need me for something of importance, and I'll be there in a moment's notice, but, I cannot let them in my everyday life.  If I do, I will be enabling them to use me.

I want to embark on friendships that are quality, encouraging relationships.
I want friendships that generate laughter and tears.. friends that I can call on when my heart is bursting with joy or breaking....

I am so thankful that I have several who I do consider to be friends... true friends... friends that want to see me happy and successful as much as I want to see them succeed and be happy.

I hope you have someone special in your corner.
True friendships are special.
The rest... well... like my Papa always said, "Don't let the door hitcha where the good Lord splitcha!"

Sunday thinkin', y'all...


  1. Oh yeah. Been there. Too many times. Wadded up like a kleenex and tossed in the trash. Too many times, I tell ya. Love your bowl of peas.

  2. As the years pass and I am older and older...I UNDERSTAND when people say over a llife time looking back you can often count the true friends on one hand. My lasting friends are not always down the street or across town- and sometimes we don't visit face to face for YEARS...but when we do it's JUST LIKE YESTERDAY-

    My real friends whom I still cherish LET ME BE ME. They don't try to change me or pass juldgement when I am less than perfect or don't measure up to their YARD STICK.

    With these friends we do not keep score- of how often one has called or written a note. We accept that LIFE crawls up and grabs us and sometimes does not turn loose. We cherish the memories we share from the past and relish in the NOW.

    My first Christian friend in the first year of marriage I still count as such...We catch up WHEN WE CAN. It's still precious.

    These friends are seldom JUST LIKE ME....privately we just laugh at the differences and LET IT GO.
    Several of these GIFTS are 10 hours or more away from me now..with one who is now in S.C. we made a pact to keep the relationship alive...we call [or try to] every SATURDAY MORNING.
    That's what is often needed -an intentional effort to nurture the relationship. p.s. all precious friendships are not the same-because we are all different and have different things to contribute and different needs.

  3. Love this. True friendships are such a blessing! Thanks for sharing at our Tips and Tricks party :)