Sunday, November 1, 2015

Beauty From Ashes...

 

As many of you have noticed from my cryptic posts (when I've rarely posted, recently), something big has been happening in our home.  Without providing too many details, I am saddened to say that my husband and I are separated and getting a divorce.

As a christian, the "d" word was never spoken (or considered) by either of us.
I was taught to salvage a marriage, no matter what lengths you have to go to....until our relationship became un"salvageable". 

I know, I know... God can make brokenness, whole.  
And, I am learning, God can make beauty from ashes

Though our relationship seems to definitely be at its end (divorce has been filed), I do see a peace that passes my understanding.  I feel that God is mending the broken pieces of my heart, and I am feeling His hand in my life, more than ever.

I wish my husband, nothing but the best.  He is, after all, the father of my child.
He has a wonderful future ahead of him, and I've begun to see God working in his life.

For me, though, I am finding an inner resilience that I never knew I had...



I have done more in the past two months than just picking out paint colors....
I've army crawled under a house...
I've learned to light a pilot light...
I've used drills, power tools, and learned how to shoot a pistol....

My support system is bar none.

Though I did nothing wrong, there still is an embarrassment that I live with - as though I failed as a christian (as if I'm wearing an unnecessary scarlet letter), but I'm starting to see those shards of a heart picked up and put back together. 

If you find yourself facing a life changing battle, such as divorce....
I've been there...
I've cried myself to sleep...
I've blushed when someone asked me where my husband was (wanting to run out of the room, but having to stand up and provide an answer.... the answer)...
I've written and ripped a thousand budget sheets scribbled onto notebook paper, trying to figure out how to provide for my little one and keep a roof over our heads...
I've wondered "what if"... I've played millions of other scenarios through my head...
I've pulled wedding photos out of frames, tried to figure out what to do with a wedding dress, and had to sit my daughter down and explain that daddy and mommy don't live together anymore....

I've done it all....

and, I've survived. 

Why?  Because sometimes, you just have to.
It never was a part of my plan....
I'm still in the thick of things....
and, I'm going to survive it all, even kicking and screaming...

Pick your head up.  
Life goes on...
and, though you may feel like you're a heap of ashes....
hold on, God is making something beautiful!

I hope you'll all visit back soon...
Tomorrow is Tips & Tricks, and Tuesday I have a fun blogging tip to share with you.

I'm also working on generating extra income through an etsy store, so stay tuned for that!

Love and hugs to you all!
-Heather


PS - I covet your prayers!

3 comments:

  1. I truley wish you and your little one the very best. I can't imagine what you are going through but I am sure, in your own time you will get through this and become even stronger than you ever thought you could be.

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  2. It is definitely hard when things don't work out like you'd planned. Even if the circumstances that test your strength are not the best, learning you are strong enough is a great lesson. Plus imagine the lessons of strength you will be teaching your daughter. Wishing you the best and hoping your heart gets a little peace.

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